littlegirlneedslove's Blog

if  u had same experience than u know what's it like to loose something
i had a bf for about 4 years
i thought he was the one
and iam from arabic country so iam Muslim , so usually girls and boys are not suppose to meet before marriage
it's traditions and relegious believes
but i did meet him and we had been together for 4 years
i truly loved him , he is my first love
i believed in him and me
every thing he said to me
i treated him as the one he is gonna come and ask my hand for marriage later on life
this is why it was so special , it has been no one but him in my heart!
but now 4 years later i donno what happened to him
he is just not into me anymore
so it hurts!
long story short he and I still together but only online! he travels alot , he has no time, many excuses have been made
so i know that i should really stop talking to him
so it's like i have no boy friend (my love life sucks) .. and i cant trust any other guy the way i did with him , i knew how he felt about me was real this is why i treated him like a husband and have had intimate relationship. now iam at age i can get married coz iam old enough, and i dont want to marry any man in the old fashion way, i wanna meeth him and fall in love with him, and i thought that was my bf , but apperantly it's not!
so now i've got no boyfriend
and my social life isn't something nice .. iam nice alot to others it's just i wasn't at the right place in my life in college.. now iam finished with it
so i have no friends
no boyfriend
i donno what's gonna happened to me in work when i start working  (iam newly graduated)
it's like i had the perfect life
and now i dont
i worked my self too hard over the last years of my life , to keep my bf interested in me even when i had other exahsting things going on in my life, to get my college degree at a dump place, but now .. every thing i built and hoped for .. now is not their
i thought i was on the right place when i was with my bf (for example)
i thought i was on the right track of my goals in life
but since i got to no where
then what exactly happened wrong?
why this happening to me when i thought every thing will be perfect?
iam truly disappointed in my self . and life in general
iam asking this question to people who had know what's it like to loose something u thought u had, so after loosing this thing (perfect or normal life(maybe love life maybe u became homeless .. just examples)) iam sure u asked ur self this question
did u get to any answer ?
why we one day think we have it all but then we get shocked that nothing was true?
thank u
 

i hear that their is a hole in our roads

and i agree

and the hole in my life is my friends

they suck!

if iam a better person.. and i feel really good about me self

when i meet them.. after that.. every time i feel really bad about every thing  late at that day

like i lost really good thing.. which is my mind!

i loose it

i hate having too judgmental.. or superficial.. or just people who wants to know exactly what's going on in my life

ther r the worst right?

i have a great personality i know i do
but even i donno how to bring the best in my self
it takes alot of work
specially with all the distraction from the outside (the people/ the noise/ the thoughts of others...)
so iam kinda dying in here
i dont have any one special in my life unless for my bf.. my mom .. my bro.. and just that
but all of them dont go in the friend zone!
my mother i open up to her but no too much.. after all their is the age difference
and my bro is still young .. too young
any my bf needs a lady by his side.. not a crying baby as me
but the thing is i dont cry
i had shut down from that long time ago.. sure i cry.. but most of the times i feel iam not getting any where
in life i mean
i study and iam doing ok
i have good things in my life that iam thankful of
but the big part is missing
iam talking about my self
if i dont socalize from my heart with any one
how do u expect me to be my self
iam not my self
i dont know who my self anymore
i have fake friends.. so superficialand judging
but i care less about what they think of me
i dont even consider them my friends
they r just people i meet when i go to my university
i donno what to do anymore
i want to give up on my self
coz no matter how hard i try
i end up being lonely
not all of us has the same background
some of us have great parents
great sisters/ brothers...
and their r many examples such as not many of us can open their hearts that easily
i cant!
all my life my parents.. and the community iam in had been telling me..
close ur heart and do as we say
so all my life i had been struggling
until i reach to this point
that iam ok
that i love my self
that i wanna be confident about my self
and i wanna think free
and just be true about every thing
and that was not an easy thing to do when i grow up in such an environment!
iam not complaining about who iam.. iam just complaining about the people around me..
they dont help at all
in fact if any one sees iam happy.. they go after me until they make sure what is with me that makes me happy
and they act like iam doing some thing wrong.. or they tend to make me sad (friends talking behind my back.. friends stealing money from me.. friends tried to steel my bf from me...etc)
so all of that and yes i cant trust any one around me! and i think i have all the right to do so
but all of that is exhausting
and iam just saying
how can i know me .. if their is not a loving one around me at all
unless those few people i mentioned earlier ..
and iam sorry but iam not the kind of person who settle for less than what i want
iam a perfectionest.. my bf knows it.. and he tried to satisfy me all the time.. and my mom cant keep up with me always! and my brother needs me.. but not in a direct way as he used to need me when he was a baby.. but i know he wants my advice at least every day
and a lot of times i feel i turn him down.. just because i need an advice!
but their is still me in a person who is dying to be more happy
and say yes to life = )